Why subscribe?
I'm a successful humor columnist with works published on a popular meme page. I can't mention the name of the meme page, because I ghost-wrote both the articles and sold the rights for $25 apiece. That was my entire 2023 writing revenue, and I simply cannot afford to put that in jeopardy in any way, so I’m not going to risk some sort of legal dispute by taking credit for them here. But the articles were hilarious.
Aside from my impressive credentials as a published humorist, you should subscribe because this Substack is going places. Maybe someday when I’m famous, I’ll remember that you were an early subscriber. In that case, when you mail me a photo or a hat, or something else to sign, I will return it with not only my signature, but also a personalized note that will increase its collector’s value beyond the price we negotiated beforehand.
Perhaps even, when subscriptions go to $5 a month, I’ll give you a coupon code for a free month, remembering with gratitude, your early support.
Join the crew
I’m on the march to 100 subscribers, at which point I will do two things, as mandated by Substack law:
I will write an article about how I successfully acquired 100 subscribers, and how you can too.
I will allow optional paid subscriptions. I’m not saying content will be pay-walled; I will merely graciously allow people to give me money, should they so choose.
Ask your friends to subscribe too, so that we can all read the 100 subs success story article, and everyone may then commence to throw money at me via paid subscriptions. The sooner this happens, the better.
