I am pleased to announce that the George G family won Christmas cards this year. We were first. The entire distribution list was in the mailbox before any of you had even begun working on Thanksgiving leftovers. If our card wasn’t the first to arrive in your mailbox this year, then take that up with the Postmaster General, because ours are all postmarked the day after Thanksgiving, which is the earliest you may mail Christmas cards, according to the rules.
As pleased as I am with this decisive victory (earned through a combination of careful planning, advanced address list management, hard work, and dedication) I have some questions about the purpose of Christmas cards in 2023. Why do we do this? I like them, but what are these supposed to be for?
Take, for example, the card we (punctually) mailed out; it is a nice picture of us, standing in the park. If you follow either my wife or I on Instagram (many of the card recipients do), you have likely seen 10 other similar photos just like that one this year. The only difference is those photos are on your phone screen, instead of on cardboard, and they don’t have, “Feliz Navidad, Love Los G’s” printed on them (a nod to my pursuit of learning Spanish on Duo Lingo).
And yet, here you have this hard copy, delivered via the postal service for some reason. Why? Everybody already knows what we look like, and can also text us anytime to say “Hi” (or “Merry Christmas”). Cue Devon Palmer asking, “How long do you want me to keep this card in my house before I throw it out? … I need you to tell me exactly how long you want me to pretend I want this in my possession.” Except in this case, there is at least clear guidance that you’re supposed to keep the card displayed until after the Epiphany, unless you are formally ending the friendship.
I suppose Christmas cards do serve as a sort of social trophy, for the recipient. We display ours on a particular wall in our home. After Christmas, all who enter are met with a majestic display of just how many beautiful friends we have - friends wearing themed sweaters, and willing to invest the $0.66 of postage into mailing one of their Christmas cards.
Aside from the present-day social trophy utility, Christmas cards were particularly useful prior to the advent of social media and phones with cameras, simply as a way to stay in touch. The thing is, back then, most people didn’t mail a photo. There were no digital cameras, and designing a custom photo card would be quite a project with the technology of the time. Instead, their cards would have a random, Christmassy picture on it. Just something like Santa Claus, the Nativity, a snowman, Santa Claus and a snowman visiting the Christ child at the Nativity, etc.
Plus, there’d be a printed message inside, that would by comparison, make a Homegoods Live/Laugh/Love sign seem profound - something about "wishing that the magic and the blessings of the season may warm your hearts like a cup of hot cocoa during the first snow of winter.”
Then, whoever sent the card would sign it, as if you’re taking this thing to a memorabilia auction, and it’s worth extra now because it has Aunt Norma’s autograph.
Ah, simpler times!
To me, Christmas cards - photo or not - got taken down a notch by Facebook, years ago. There was a ton of overlap between Facebook and Christmas cards. Same sort of content, same vast sampling of demographics. Mailing a card seemed more pointless than ever.
But not everyone is on Facebook anymore, and social media itself is no longer the universal thing it had been just 10 years ago.
So maybe the Christmas card is making a comeback.
Maybe we once again need that original “keep in touch” utility of the Christmas card. This is good news, and the more I think about it, I believe it is true. We’ve sent ours to relatives I might not have talked to this year. Old co-workers. College buddies whose phone numbers I’ve actually blocked (still friends, but they abuse group-texting).
Christmas cards are a nice option for keeping in touch with somebody like that, and right now, they’re trending back toward becoming the best option.
The Christmas Card Newsletter
So now I’m re-thinking the current card we sent. It’s the hard copy equivalent of Instagram… is that good enough? Maybe I need to send the hard copy equivalent of Facebook. I’m talking about the Christmas Card Newsletter format.
You may not be familiar with this; my wife would say such newsletters are only a thing among people from “middle states”. If you’re not from a middle state and perhaps have never gotten one of these newsletters, I’ll take you through the process.
Basically, what happens is that, along with your Christmas card, you add a little insert, just to kind of give a debriefing on your family’s activities and milestones for the year.
Ours would look something like this:
“Ho ho ho, from the George G Family here at the North Pole! (note: this is mere lighthearted holiday whimsy. We do not actually live at the North Pole, and a middle state reader would understand this).
Boy oh boy golly gee (writing in customary middle state vernacular) has 2023 ever flown by! We’ve been busy little elves all year long! Here’s just an idea of what kind of shenanigans we’ve all been up too!
When “Santa” aka George G isn’t too busy feeding the reindeer and overseeing the toy shop, he’s been enjoying writing a “Substack” blog on the internet; he has 19 subscribers and we are all very proud of him!
Aside from baking cookies for Santa and the elves, “Mrs. Clause” aka Mrs G has officially become a Costco Gold Star Member!
Baby G is growing up so fast and learning very quickly. She’s so excited to enroll in Otamatone lessons next year so she can play just as good as mom and dad!”
Welp, that’s all for this year! Hoping you all stay off the “naughty list” in 2024 by letting us know promptly if or when your address changes!”
As you see, I’ve chosen to sprinkle this newsletter-style update with just a pinch of nerd-sauce, by interspersing it with unnecessary references to Santa Claus mythology. It is both informative and fun. This is actually relatively subtle nerdery, for one such newsletter - I’m holding back. If you’d like to instead empty an entire 2 liter bottle of nerd into your newsletter, I found a website listing some of the top ideas, which I found intriguing:
https://www.lovetoknow.com/celebrations/christmas/best-christmas-newsletter-ideas
Some of these are fairly accessible, like, do a top 10 list, or make the whole thing rhyme. Others are a little more work, like to re-purpose the 12 Days of Christmas to be about you. Then others, are kind of intense. Consider the suggestion to actually write a whole play with a script, and have your family be the characters in it. I suppose the card recipients are expected to perform this play in their homes, independently.
And then there’s this:
Add a Puzzle:
Instead of writing a traditional letter, create a puzzle using notable events from the year as the clues. For example, you could write, "Elizabeth's favorite subject in fifth grade is ____" and use include the word "Science" in a custom word search created on the Discovery Education website.
If you make a puzzle, don't forget to include an answer key on the back of your letter. Even if your puzzle seems fairly easy, some recipients might have trouble deciphering the clues. However, they'll still want to know what your family has been doing over the past year.
Ninja-level Christmas card newsletter format there. Seems to me like that last little tip about including an answer key was a lesson learned from painful experience.
In conclusion, despite my tone earlier in this article, I do enjoy sending and receiving Christmas cards. It’s nice to be reminded of friends and family at Christmas, and I’m glad that this analog format is reclaiming lost ground from Facebook. As for a Los G’s Christmas Card Newsletter however, that’s going to remain relegated to Substack for the indefinite future.