Drinking by the Calendar: A Year-Long Journey in Taste
Oktoberfest is a time to look back on the drinking year that was, and prepare for holiday drinking
Did you know that in order to properly observe Oktoberfest, you need to be drinking German brews as early as September? Well it’s true; look it up. The festival begins in late September, year after year, and so currently, we are heading into the peak weekends of Oktoberfest.
And you don’t want to miss it. Among the features of Oktoberfest, you will find, for example:
Dumb hats
Very bad dancing
Accordions
Lederhosen
A lot of plush chickens for some reason
Gratuitously unhealthy food
Beer
Overall, you just know at the root of it, this is a holiday invented by an entire nation of people who don’t know how to relax and have fun. As a workaround, they simply tried their best to imitate what they believe humor is.
“I put the stuffed chicken on my head! This is funny, yes? Now I dance, by waving my arms!”
Add beer to this equation, and it actually works. A fun time is had.
I, for one, love this wonderful time of Oktoberfest, and participate not only by personally attending Oktoberfest-themed events, but also by switching up my normal beer rotation, to align with the season. Which got me to thinking… as a matter of fact, my drinking menu does have a tendency to adapt with the seasons.
And so, with that, what is to follow is a rough outline of my seasonal drinking choices, and a rationale. You may use this as a guide, or you may simply judge me.
The Year in Drinking
“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
January: This is the coldest, darkest month of the year, anywhere here in the contiguous United States of America. I like to have something that is going to warm me up, and make me extra energetic. It’s also cold and flu season, and we have a particular need for germ-fighting alcohol. Grandpa’s cough syrup, if you will. And so it is, whiskey is my drink of choice. It’s dark at 5pm, and I have work to do, but it is too late for coffee. Perfect solution: whiskey. Just remember to give a few double checks in the morning, to whatever “work” you got done while having the whiskey.
Seriously, though, it is one of the finer things in life to sip from a tumbler on the desk, while reading or writing. Very sophisticated. Gateway drug to pipe smoking, and writing fantastical epic literature, I bet.
February: By February, I have finished all the whiskey I got for Christmas. It’s all gone. But it is still dark and cold, and I need that extra punch to get into the party spirit. This is when I shift to my strongest, most pine-tree-tasting, drain-clog-clearing, flannel-and-beard appropriate, ridiculous-named, 7.0ABV and up, IPA. Yes, the notorious India Pale Ale, so despised by weaker men, is perfect for those dark nights of February.
March: There are a couple of contradictory forces competing to lead the drinking tone for March. In one corner, you have the very potent St. Patrick’s Day/March Madness drinking occasions, and on the other hand, you’ve got Lent.
St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday entirely centered on drinking Irish drinks - Guinness, Harp, Jameson, Bailey’s - all in honor of St. Patrick, who is perhaps most well understood for his remarkable courageous work converting the natives of Ireland to become producers of elaborate parades. Or so the legend goes.
St. Patrick’s Day weekend is just the icing on the cake for the larger, ongoing drinking opportunity which is the consecutive 4-day weekends of nonstop basketball games known as the early rounds of NCAA March Madness Tournament.
By contrast, as I mentioned, you do have Lent. Lent is the the OG Dry January/Sober October/what have you. Often, many of the most influential figures in my social universe deny themselves alcohol for Lent, and there are generally not as many parties and drinking occasions for me. As a result, my March drinking menu is subject to vary, year to year, depending on what I give up for Lent and what kind of St. Patrick’s plans I have, or how interested I have been in the college basketball season.
April: This is a slow time for drinkers like me. In some years, Lent continues into April. There are no big holidays, except usually, Easter typically lands here, but when that’s the case, I’m often out of practice. If you need to prove to yourself and the world that you can quit for a month anytime, I’d advise April for that endeavor.
May: May belongs to tequila. Cinco de Drinko is a sacred high holy day on the drinking calendar, and sets the tone. Put the whiskey and old fashioned away. It’s tequila and spicy margs from here on out for the rest of the summer. Second option for May, for us married fellas, is rosé. I’m secure enough to admit that it’s a nice Mother’s Day brunch drink with the wife. Bright and springy.
June/July/August: The beers remain crisp and refreshing, the liquor remains tequila, and a new character has taken center stage in years recent: seltzers. Summer is the time for seltzers.
September/October: Oktoberfest is a beautiful holiday that overlaps these two months, and this is the time for fest brews, ales, lagers, pilsners, and everything German, including all the craft breweries’ Oktoberfest specials. It is also appropriate to wear dumb hats with feathers - or even an entire chicken hat - commandeer ridiculous words like “Gemütlichkeit”, do the chicken dance, and whatever else the whimsical German nationals in your life insist is a normal and acceptable in the Mutterland.
Note: Under no circumstances are pumpkin beers acceptable. You will never find a “pumpkin” infused beer in my refrigerator. No sir.
November: I respect Thanksgiving, and will keep the Christmas Spotify stations in storage right up until Black Friday; but that doesn’t stop me from partaking of a Celebration Ale, or a Winter Brew, right after Halloween ends. Thanksgiving itself is definitely a wine holiday… beer is too filling for such a food-centric occasion.
December: This is the month to be open minded. Take the opportunities presented as they arise. Be flexible… some sort of cinnamon/chocolates mezcal cocktail that would otherwise be unbecoming of a proper gentleman, can be the exact correct move at the right setting. Wine, champagne, cocktails, rich uncle’s spontaneous sharing of his top shelf scotch, a free round for my birthday… with all the gatherings and freeloading that can take place, I’ve got to stay flexible. I can save big on my drinking budget.
Conclusion
So there you have it. Whether you're bundling up with a whiskey in January or strapping on a chicken hat for Oktoberfest, remember: the right drink at the right time can make all the difference. Prost!