Review: Ugly Laptop for Broke Losers
Acer 516 GE Chromebook is perfect for never leaving the basement
As my current Chromebook nears its “death date” (to borrow the slur, popular among raging anti-Chromites), I’m on a mission to find a replacement. Thanks to my partnership with Best Buy (and by “partnership” I mean their no-questions-asked 15 day return policy), this week I was able to pick up and try out the Acer 516 GE.
The first thing you need to know is that the “GE” in “Acer 516 GE” stands for Gaming Edition. That means it was designed specifically with losers in mind. Kidding; but excuse me while I talk briefly about gaming. Here are my gaming credentials:
I was raised with a Gameboy and a Super Nintendo. After the late 90’s, my knowledge and understanding of gaming fades dramatically.
There exists no person who can defeat me in consecutive head-to-head match races on SNES Mario Kart, at the Mario Circuit 2 venue.
My sister believes she was comparably or even more skilled than me at Kirby’s Avalanche, and that is a prime example of the frailty and unreliability of natural human memory.
In college, I logged my mandatory 2,000 hours playing GoldenEye on N64, as that was a requirement for graduation, at the time.
There were a couple of Halo phases for me on the original X-Box, and I was terrible, but I could do a fun impression of the larger Covenant aliens.
And that’s about it for extensive gaming by me. I’ve played a game here or there, but I think I’ve covered any sort of “expertise” on my gamer resume.
So back to this “gaming Chromebook.” Even I, with my limited exposure to gaming nerdery, know that Chromebooks are not the right tool for the job. Chromebooks live “in the cloud,” aka, on remote servers. Much of the processing is being done miles away from where you are with your Chromebook. The delays in communication with distant servers can be hardly noticeable in normal use, but when you’re playing a video game, a fraction of a fraction of a second in delay can cripple you. Due to latency issues, Chromebooks are never in consideration by most “serious” gamers.
There exists such a thing as “cloud gaming.” Also, there is something called Steam, which one would think would be cloud gaming, due to the reference to the water evaporation process from which we get clouds. I don’t think that’s exactly how it works, but I do know Steam is very popular, and somehow or another it is on its way to Chromebooks (I think via Linux).
My professional opinion is that despite these developments, gaming on Chromebooks is currently not a viable, marketable idea. Yes, many “gamers” exist. And yes, cloud gaming also exists. But I’d guess that there’s only a sliver of “gamers” who would buy a laptop tailor made for “cloud” gaming exclusively. By sliver, I mean 2 or 3 of them, worldwide.
Nevertheless, a series of gaming Chromebooks have been released, beginning in 2022 and continuing into 2023. These have been received by tech reviewers as generally interesting, but more as a concept exercise. Sort of like the flying car you see every year at some auto show in Tokyo. It’s there to prove a point; a roughly fleshed out idea, and not considered to be something with an anticipated large market of immediate buyers.
The Acer 516 GE is one such gaming-gimmick laptop; however, this one has an interesting twist. In going about making a laptop optimized for cloud gamers, Acer accidentally may have built a laptop that is actually better configured for people’s practical needs, than many normal Chromebooks.
How so? Well, first of all, they made it a clamshell computer, without a touch-screen. This cuts costs, leaving room for other things. I’ve had a ‘convertible’ touchscreen laptop for the last six years, and find the “tablet” feature nearly useless, and the touchscreen something that’s little more than a fun, occasional luxury.
Acer took that budget and design attention they saved from scrapping the whole tablet/convertible effort, and applied it to giving it a large, high-refresh-rate screen, a better processor, and every sort of connectivity and port selection option known to man. Lastly, since it is for gaming, you need good responsive inputs and decent audio, and so a little extra love and care went toward designing the keyboard, track pad, and speakers.
I’m a bit of a keyboard aficionado. Also, I like the idea of future-proofing by getting an over-qualified processor. And as I’ve mentioned, I’m not enamored with convertible, touchscreen laptops, and so all of this added up to make me consider the Acer 516 GE worth a look, even though I’m not planning to get back into video games.
After using it for a week, I have some takeaways.
The Screen:
The screen is large, and has a 120hz refresh rate. That’s supposed to help a lot with gaming, but I was under the impression that also regular animations, such as scrolling and expanding/contracting windows would have an overall smoother feel due to that refresh rate. I wanted to try it. On my trial, I don’t see any difference in smoothness, when compared to the other laptops I use. Whatever benefit the 120hz refresh rate provided was either imperceptible, or not a power that the programs I ran could unlock.
What was extremely noticeable to me and unusual about the display is that it had a warmth to the colors. Warmth and color tone are not adjustable on this laptop. You can only make it brighter or dimmer, but you’re stuck with the color temperature set by the manufacturer. I don’t know why the 516 GE is set to be so yellowish. I’m guessing it goes back to being optimized for games. Maybe you don’t want blaring, bright colors, on the harsh and bright side of the spectrum, for gaming.
I don’t think I got a dud either; the display unit at Best Buy was similarly a bit toward this yellowish calibration. Think “night mode” on your phone.
Spoiler alert, this alone justifies my returning this laptop, as I consider it a substantial defect.
Keyboard, trackpad, speakers:
All of the input hardware is above budget-level average. The keyboard is actually pretty great for typing, though I don’t care for the texture of the keys - a bit rubbery. I found the response on the keys great, but the feel to be like a constant, tactile reminder that I’m working on a corner-cutting, Fisher Price, dorky piece of equipment. The keys take me out of any preferred delusional alternate reality of being Ernest Hemmingway, typing on a sturdy typewriter while on safari, and remind me that I’m writing a Substack about Chromebooks, from my couch.
I don’t have as stringent of standards for trackpads. That said, credit where due, I find this trackpad better than those of the other laptops I use. Big, smooth, and well calibrated, it goes a long way toward helping with productivity if you find yourself without a mouse for some reason.
The speakers… yeah, they are louder than the trash that came on my out-going Asus Chromebook, but that’s a very low standard. Sure, they are incrementally better, but I’d never want to use these to play music.
Durability Is a Big Question
Something that occurred to me, after purchasing, was durability. There’s no mention of a spill-proof keyboard, or any MIL SPEC (military testing for durability) rating in the reviews and product descriptions. I couldn’t find anything online, so I did pose the question on the Best Buy Q&A, and got a response that there is no spill-proofing on this laptop.
That’s a huge strike. I have a kid here and so drinks will get spilled. And to be honest, I’m messy enough on my own. Even before kids, I’ve spilled enough coffee on my computer during my time with it to have definitely recouped the extra money I spent for a spill-proof machine last time. The $450 to $650 range where this sells isn’t the worst price for a laptop, but that’s not a price point where I consider it “disposable,” and could just be like, “Meh, time for a new laptop,” if it got fried on a cramped coffee shop table.
Speaking of cramped, I didn’t count for how much I don’t like the bulk of this. As good as the keyboard is, my wrists are just slightly less comfortable, due having to change the approach angle to account for the out-riggings on this monster. Many reviewers note that the Acer 516 is surprisingly light and portable for its size. Perhaps my expectations got too high, based on those reviews, but I don’t like the size, and found it cumbersome.
It’s Just Plain Ugly
I’ve listed my practical knocks with this laptop. The last thing I’ll note is that this computer is ugly. U-G-L-Y, it don’t got no alibi. Chromebooks generally aren’t going to win a beauty pageant, unfortunately. The HP Dragonfly Pro has curb appeal, and there’s a Samsung Galaxy 2 that looks decent on the shelf, but all the other laptops on Best Buy’s Chromebook island are quite the sad, ugly stepsisters of the Windows devices displayed closer to the front of store.
Even with the low standards, this is one eyesore of a machine.
It’s a big, bold, ugly, dark, piece of plastic (I guess there’s some aluminum here and there, but still). No hiding this. The dorky rubbery, white-outlined keys, the smokey, orange screen, and the acres and acres of smudgy grey surfaces - it’s a total magnet for fingerprints.
Conclusion
They say this is a gaming Chromebook which is bad at gaming and excellent for working. That proposition appealed to me. I guess what I didn’t account for is how this is not just hardware configured for gamers, but also aesthetically aimed at the standards of gamers.
Think about it. The screen color temperature is optimized for gamers, to not hurt their eyes, as they sit in the dark basements of their parents’ homes. There’s no spill or drop protection because, it’s never leaving the house. This isn’t going to be displayed on a sunny morning at posh coffee shop. And make for certain, there will be no pitter-patter of little feet coming to the Peter Pan syndrome gamer’s lair anytime soon. The general awkwardness and untidiness of the entire design is tightly aligned with the incel lifestyle.
This is a big, comfy, capable laptop for somebody who avoids seeing the light of day. It’s the stained, faded, pair of sweats, of Chromebooks.
In fairness, I just don’t happen to like big laptops. Never have. I also never tried to stream a game during my time with this. That’s not the point of this review. Lastly, as I’ve been mentioning, I’m a bit of a Californian now. My last post was a lengthy obituary for a Pomeranian, for goodness sake. What’s important to me might not be important to you. Some of you perfectly decent people might not mind any of the nits I’ve picked today.
Most of the good things you’ll read about this laptop on other reviews are true; except I do challenge the widespread praises of the display, which is too orangey for me. If the grievances I’ve listed aren’t deal-breakers, then watch for a sale. Normally retailing for $649, it was recently listed for a couple days at the tasty low price of $549, where I snagged it. I haven’t seen this one go on sale very often, though it did have a weekend in December where it could be had for $449.
$549 still seems to me like a tad much, but at $449, the shortcomings are more forgivable. So that seems to be the floor - if you have time to shop.
I feel like I’ve been mean to this Chromebook. I personally didn’t like this machine, but maybe the screen refresh rate and processor specs are meaningful to you. And maybe you have no sense of fashion.